What has happened to manners and common courtesy?
People brush past a tired mother who is struggling to open the door with her arms filled with groceries and clinging toddlers....Drivers on the road cut others off...children scream and cry for the candy at the cash register...pedestrians can hardly get across the street safely because of drivers who tend to speed up instead of slow down.
It’s a “Me-first, give-me-all-you-got, I-don’t-care-about-you” mentality. Is there such a thing as common courtesy anymore? It is more of a “rare” courtesy.
Do manners even matter?
As we see our society drifting away from it roots, old-fashioned courtesy has faded away and been replaced by a self-centered focus. “Forget about everyone else, what do I want?” is the question of the day. Anyone can just read the front page of a newspaper to see how that self-centered attitude has made our nation into a turbulent, dangerous culture of crime, hate and greed. We live today in a world of a lot of unhappy, broken-hearted, lost people. Now more than ever we need to live the Golden Rule. “Do to others as you would have them do to you.”
So what are manners?
Here’s a simple definition: “Manners are the outward expression of a person’s inner character.”
Dear friends, I urge you, to re-connect with your roots and begin rebuilding our character.
Our country was founded on these principles. Our founding fathers had a solid faith and had characters of real integrity. Ben Franklin advised:
“Speak modestly,
do not put self above others,
do not be easily offended,
do not retaliate injuries,
try not to offend others,
look for the good in both friend and foe,
be cheerful and pleasant,
and freely express affection to friends and loved ones.”
How refreshing it is to see a polite young boy who continues to open doors and carry heavy loads for people? Just a warm smile and a kind word to a busy clerk can make her day and help her to face the complaining, demanding customers.
It makes me excited to think of all the ways and things we can do to become more courteous. Just small gestures of kindness can speak volumes to people burdened with the world’s problems.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
One At A Time
Recently, I heard a story which illustrates the power that each of us have to change a life:
A friend of mine was walking down a deserted beach. As he walked along, he saw another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the ocean.
As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up, and one at a time he was throwing them back into the water.
My friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said, “Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you were doing.”
“I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, its low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they will die from lack of oxygen.”
“I understand,” my friend replied, “but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You cannot possibly get all of them. There are simply too many. And don’t you realize that this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down the coast. Can’t you see that you can not possibly make a difference?”
The local man smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish and he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “made a difference to that one!”
It's a simple, yet powerful story.
Now, imagine all the starfish in your life. Those left helplessly to the mercy of their own environments. Your friend, who's unemployed. Your community, who struggles to rebuild. Your child, who seeks your affirmation.
Encourage them, even if it's only through words. Here's a few suggestions to brighten someones day: I'm proud of you, Way to go, You did it, Magnificent, I knew you could do it, You're very special to me, I trust you, What a treasure, Hurray for you, Beautiful work, You're a real trooper, Well done, That's so creative, You make my day, You're a joy, Give me a big hug (hug it out always helps), You're such a good listener, You figured it out, I love you, You're so responsible, You remembered, You're the best, You sure tried hard, I've got to hand it to you, I couldn't be prouder of you, You light up my day, I'm praying for you, You're wonderful, I'm behind you.
One at a time, you WILL make a difference!
A friend of mine was walking down a deserted beach. As he walked along, he saw another man in the distance. As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the ocean.
As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed up, and one at a time he was throwing them back into the water.
My friend was puzzled. He approached the man and said, “Good evening, friend. I was wondering what you were doing.”
“I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, its low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they will die from lack of oxygen.”
“I understand,” my friend replied, “but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach. You cannot possibly get all of them. There are simply too many. And don’t you realize that this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down the coast. Can’t you see that you can not possibly make a difference?”
The local man smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish and he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “made a difference to that one!”
It's a simple, yet powerful story.
Now, imagine all the starfish in your life. Those left helplessly to the mercy of their own environments. Your friend, who's unemployed. Your community, who struggles to rebuild. Your child, who seeks your affirmation.
Encourage them, even if it's only through words. Here's a few suggestions to brighten someones day: I'm proud of you, Way to go, You did it, Magnificent, I knew you could do it, You're very special to me, I trust you, What a treasure, Hurray for you, Beautiful work, You're a real trooper, Well done, That's so creative, You make my day, You're a joy, Give me a big hug (hug it out always helps), You're such a good listener, You figured it out, I love you, You're so responsible, You remembered, You're the best, You sure tried hard, I've got to hand it to you, I couldn't be prouder of you, You light up my day, I'm praying for you, You're wonderful, I'm behind you.
One at a time, you WILL make a difference!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Make Your Peace
There were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
~ The Gospel of Luke 2:8-14 (NIV)
Is there some secret recipe for success in tough times? Based upon what I've seen and read in headlines and promotions from marketers lately, it appears that they have some new revelation for leading us through the tumultuous sea and into the promised land. After deeper reflection, it causes me to ponder why this revelation wasn't shared sooner to keep us from experiencing these tough times in the first place.
All cynicism aside, I recently posed a question to a colleague seeking insight regarding what styles of leadership should be employed during the most difficult times. You know, when you feel like you're on a boat in the middle of the ocean all alone with not even a paddle to offer a glimmer hope that you might have the power to change your circumstance...HEY, CAN I GET A BUOY!
My colleague was frank and succinct with his reply:
"The same principles we've been taught all these years work when all is healthy and prospering, as well as during a period of difficulty."
As leaders, we have the tremendous opportunity to be heralds of peace to our families, friends, and colleagues. However, we won't convincingly deliver a message of peace if we're inwardly ruled by fear.
Let In...
The loved ones in your life. Laugh together, cry together, share stories. Take joy in being with the friends and family who care about you most. Pause, reflect, and be reminded of what matters most- relationships.
Reach Out...
To those in need. Brooding on our problems sinks us into the ugly muck of self-pity. To counteract self-pity, take intentional steps to help another person in need. Strangely enough, you may find that being generous pulls you out of the dreariness of your circumstances. Focusing on another person's world takes your mind off of whatever may be wrong in your own. Giving our time and resources helps us to regain perspective on the most meaningful pursuit in life -helping others.
Look Up...
To heaven. If you're a person of faith, make time to draw from the reservoir of comfort that can be found in belief. Celebrate the traditions of your religion, spend time in prayer, and partake of the hope offered by your faith.
Whatever you decide, use the principles you've been taught and believe in to find your path to peace. If you can't find one, those same principles will help you make one.
~ The Gospel of Luke 2:8-14 (NIV)
Is there some secret recipe for success in tough times? Based upon what I've seen and read in headlines and promotions from marketers lately, it appears that they have some new revelation for leading us through the tumultuous sea and into the promised land. After deeper reflection, it causes me to ponder why this revelation wasn't shared sooner to keep us from experiencing these tough times in the first place.
All cynicism aside, I recently posed a question to a colleague seeking insight regarding what styles of leadership should be employed during the most difficult times. You know, when you feel like you're on a boat in the middle of the ocean all alone with not even a paddle to offer a glimmer hope that you might have the power to change your circumstance...HEY, CAN I GET A BUOY!
My colleague was frank and succinct with his reply:
"The same principles we've been taught all these years work when all is healthy and prospering, as well as during a period of difficulty."
As leaders, we have the tremendous opportunity to be heralds of peace to our families, friends, and colleagues. However, we won't convincingly deliver a message of peace if we're inwardly ruled by fear.
Let In...
The loved ones in your life. Laugh together, cry together, share stories. Take joy in being with the friends and family who care about you most. Pause, reflect, and be reminded of what matters most- relationships.
Reach Out...
To those in need. Brooding on our problems sinks us into the ugly muck of self-pity. To counteract self-pity, take intentional steps to help another person in need. Strangely enough, you may find that being generous pulls you out of the dreariness of your circumstances. Focusing on another person's world takes your mind off of whatever may be wrong in your own. Giving our time and resources helps us to regain perspective on the most meaningful pursuit in life -helping others.
Look Up...
To heaven. If you're a person of faith, make time to draw from the reservoir of comfort that can be found in belief. Celebrate the traditions of your religion, spend time in prayer, and partake of the hope offered by your faith.
Whatever you decide, use the principles you've been taught and believe in to find your path to peace. If you can't find one, those same principles will help you make one.
Friday, January 29, 2010
The Cynical Individual
The world today is full of cynics - those individuals who are fault-finding critics and who adhere to the belief that human conduct is motivated entirely by self-interest!
Each and every one of us enjoys and loves a good story. We especially like stories that have neat and tidy endings. We don't mind if the story is a sad story, filled with hardship, as long as there is justice in the end! We like for right to win and wrong to lose! We want the good people to come out on top and the bad people to wind up in jail!
In Humpty Dumpty, we weren't bothered by the fact that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, despite working feverishly, could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Part of the reason we could live with it was because nobody pushed him off of the wall. That would have been unfair and unjust treatment. After all, eggs have no way to defend themselves! LOL! Since nobody was to blame and since everybody tried to help him, we were able to tolerate the sad ending. The story may be unhappy, but not unjust.
In Cinderella, we are told of a beautiful young woman who is raised in a cruel home by a cruel stepmother with cruel stepsisters. The beautiful young woman, after being taunted by her stepsisters, gets to go to the ball in the castle. However, at midnight, the carriage that carried her to the ball turned into a pumpkin and that was alright! We could live with that because she was warned ahead of time about the possibility of that happening. And, it was especially alright since, in the end, she got the "glass slipper" and lived happily ever after. Justice won out in the story. What we would not have been able to live with is if one of her tormenters had wound up with the glass slipper. That would not have been just! Cinderella’s foot deserved the "glass slipper!" We smile at such poetic justice!
Finally, there is the story of Robin Hood. Robin Hood was the one who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. We had to do a little ethical shuffling in this story - with the right and wrong of that - but, in our child’s mind, that was fair play! After all, the money and goods wound up in a better place than where they would have otherwise. The peasants certainly needed them more than the rich. So, we applauded the adventurous exploits of Robin Hood and his followers because we know that ultimately fairness prevailed - at least, that’s the way it seemed in our young little minds!
What we would not have tolerated was to discover later on that Robin Hood was really a con man with a Swiss bank account, with all that money taken from the rich being deposited in his account! We could not have handled his ripping off the peasants and building his own empire then, secretly living in a mansion he built from the money that he siphoned off the rich - all the while playing the role of nice person! Sad endings we can handle, but not unjust endings! Suffering makes us sad, but injustice makes us mad! In our childlike minds, we still long for fairness and equity. We still want stories to end well so that everyone can live happily ever after. However, I’m here to tell you, that life is not that neat and tidy. In life, the helpless are pushed around - cruel people often get the "glass slipper" - and, some of those who we thought were generous, unselfish givers, were in actuality greedy self-serving takers. If a person lives with injustice long enough, especially if that person lacks a diverse perspective, that person will become disillusioned and, utlimately, cynical!
So, does cynicism have a solution? There is hope beyond cynicism! We need not try to understand our circumstances, we need not compare our lot with another's. We need not retaliate, we need not resent, we need not become bitter, just because we did not get a fair shake. We need to replace passive self-pity with active courage. We need to quit whining "woe is me" and start thinking in terms of "Here is my message, world!" Everybody has a story - you don't know my story and I don’t know your story- however, if we take complete control of our lives and direct our paths using a broader perspective, we can all have the same ending...a much happier, more fulfilling and less cynical one!
Each and every one of us enjoys and loves a good story. We especially like stories that have neat and tidy endings. We don't mind if the story is a sad story, filled with hardship, as long as there is justice in the end! We like for right to win and wrong to lose! We want the good people to come out on top and the bad people to wind up in jail!
In Humpty Dumpty, we weren't bothered by the fact that all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, despite working feverishly, could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Part of the reason we could live with it was because nobody pushed him off of the wall. That would have been unfair and unjust treatment. After all, eggs have no way to defend themselves! LOL! Since nobody was to blame and since everybody tried to help him, we were able to tolerate the sad ending. The story may be unhappy, but not unjust.
In Cinderella, we are told of a beautiful young woman who is raised in a cruel home by a cruel stepmother with cruel stepsisters. The beautiful young woman, after being taunted by her stepsisters, gets to go to the ball in the castle. However, at midnight, the carriage that carried her to the ball turned into a pumpkin and that was alright! We could live with that because she was warned ahead of time about the possibility of that happening. And, it was especially alright since, in the end, she got the "glass slipper" and lived happily ever after. Justice won out in the story. What we would not have been able to live with is if one of her tormenters had wound up with the glass slipper. That would not have been just! Cinderella’s foot deserved the "glass slipper!" We smile at such poetic justice!
Finally, there is the story of Robin Hood. Robin Hood was the one who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. We had to do a little ethical shuffling in this story - with the right and wrong of that - but, in our child’s mind, that was fair play! After all, the money and goods wound up in a better place than where they would have otherwise. The peasants certainly needed them more than the rich. So, we applauded the adventurous exploits of Robin Hood and his followers because we know that ultimately fairness prevailed - at least, that’s the way it seemed in our young little minds!
What we would not have tolerated was to discover later on that Robin Hood was really a con man with a Swiss bank account, with all that money taken from the rich being deposited in his account! We could not have handled his ripping off the peasants and building his own empire then, secretly living in a mansion he built from the money that he siphoned off the rich - all the while playing the role of nice person! Sad endings we can handle, but not unjust endings! Suffering makes us sad, but injustice makes us mad! In our childlike minds, we still long for fairness and equity. We still want stories to end well so that everyone can live happily ever after. However, I’m here to tell you, that life is not that neat and tidy. In life, the helpless are pushed around - cruel people often get the "glass slipper" - and, some of those who we thought were generous, unselfish givers, were in actuality greedy self-serving takers. If a person lives with injustice long enough, especially if that person lacks a diverse perspective, that person will become disillusioned and, utlimately, cynical!
So, does cynicism have a solution? There is hope beyond cynicism! We need not try to understand our circumstances, we need not compare our lot with another's. We need not retaliate, we need not resent, we need not become bitter, just because we did not get a fair shake. We need to replace passive self-pity with active courage. We need to quit whining "woe is me" and start thinking in terms of "Here is my message, world!" Everybody has a story - you don't know my story and I don’t know your story- however, if we take complete control of our lives and direct our paths using a broader perspective, we can all have the same ending...a much happier, more fulfilling and less cynical one!
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